Feeling A-W-F-U-L

I know I have to blog, update and upload the pics on my Anniversary dinner and stuffs but I guess I wanna do a simple entry today..

I was thinking of my friends a lot lately (especially someone..) and I had a dream yesterday and in it, there were 2 of my "bestfriends".. yup, you read it right.. "were" & "bestfriends".. so you know that the friendship was practically over.. and I blamed myself and my 'perfectionist cum too caring attitude towards those whom I called FRIENDS.

I couldn't recall what happened in the dream but what I know was, we met.. hugged and cried.. no conversations nothing.. the dream lasted only for a few seconds or minutes but its in my mind.. at least, it is still etched in my mind.. till now, as I'm writing this entry..

We were very very close.. almost all the time we would be together doing stuffs and all.. go out for lunch or dinner at times.. we do what BFFs (now that I know what the abbreviations stands for) normally do.. until shit happens.. ( I can't and shall not go into details abt what happened.. ) but after the incident.. and constant confiding in Hub.. he came to a conclusion that I'm not totally to be blamed for what happened.. and that, what I did was because I cared sooo much for a friend that the care went slightly overboard..

I guess soo.. I still remembered how "the others" used to talk about her.. and how I constantly (without failed) tried to correct "the others" that she wasn't what they had in mind.. true, she has lotsa guy friends.. but to me.. they are just friends.. and she's friendly.. too friendly? Maybe, but that's just her.. So u see, I defended her.. not because she's a friend but that's the truth... Until the day she did something.. which I think was 'irresponsible' and I did.. what a BFF would not do.. cos I believe.. that, if I care for her, I'd better set the record straight.. but she saw it as a humiliation or so.. cos after that, we quarrelled and we didn't speak.. and till date our relationship was sorta hi and bye.. :(

So, end of a beautifuuuuuul friendship.. all thanks to me.. Will we meet.. hugged and cried.. like in the dreams??? I donch know..

But I learnt a lesson from this incident: You can care for a friend... but when it comes to personal matters, you'd better be Off Limits... I think most BFFs would encourage one another, supports each other even when one of them is wrong.. but that's not me.. so I can't have a BFF anymore.. because that's just me.. you do wrong, you answer for it..

Hub always said that I'm waaaaay too caring.. and I would always beg to differ.. but he always have justifications.. like, when I heard that there was a gas leak at my Aunt's house past midnight, I'd jumped out of the bed, called her and told her.. "I'm sending u and the kids to grandma house NOW! so be ready in 10mins and wait for me at the carpark... DO NOT GO BACK INTO THE HOUSE..." it was past midnight, and I was working the next day... but I chose to put her and family into safety.. Why?? Cos I care for her and the kids..

Like Hub say...: There's no limits to what I can do... for a person that I care a lot...

I guess he's right.. That's why I've been nagging at you Hub... for these past years... You should know why, right??